Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
