What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
