so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
