I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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