Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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