I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
