Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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