I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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