I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
