ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
