i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
