Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
