and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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