I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
