Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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