dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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