On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So vagazzling was a success
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
