this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
