I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
