Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
