After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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