I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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