I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
