i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
