I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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