I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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