Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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