Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
