just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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