I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dicks are not precious.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
