If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
