but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
