Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
