Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
