Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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