I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
