walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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