Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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