i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
