Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How's work?
Spinning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
