Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
