I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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