Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
