I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
this will be a night to untag.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
