no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
