I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
