I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
