the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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