Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
