I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
