So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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