he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Operation Purity has been aborted
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
