he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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