guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
