I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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