Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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