I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
