i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
