I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
