You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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