do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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