I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
