it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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