Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i came on her dog
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
