well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
