he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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