He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
