i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
