hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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