bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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