it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
