we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
