WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
