i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
