Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
